THE QUALITIES OF THE COUNSELOR

B-25. Army leaders must demonstrate certain qualities to be effective counselors. These qualities include respect for subordinates, self-awareness and cultural awareness, empathy, and credibility.

B-26. One challenging aspect of counseling is selecting the proper approach to a specific situation. To counsel effectively, the technique used must fit the situation, leader capabilities, and subordinate expectations. Sometimes, leaders may only need to give information or listen, while in other situations a subordinate’s improvement may call for just a brief word of praise. Difficult circumstances may require structured counseling followed by definite actions, such as referrals to outside experts and agencies.

B-27. Self-aware Army leaders consistently develop and improve their own counseling abilities. They do so by studying human behavior, learning the kinds of problems that affect their followers, and developing their interpersonal skills. The techniques needed to provide effective counseling vary from person to person and session to session. However, general skills that leaders will need in almost every situation include active listening, responding, and questioning.

ACTIVE LISTENING

B-28. Active listening helps communicate reception of the subordinate’s message verbally and nonverbally. To capture the message fully, leaders listen to what is said and observe the subordinate’s manners. Key elements of active listening include—

• Eye contact. Maintaining eye contact without staring helps show sincere interest. Occasional breaks of eye contact are normal and acceptable, while excessive breaks, paper shuffling, and clock-watching may be perceived as a lack of interest or concern.
• Body posture. Being relaxed and comfortable will help put the subordinate at ease. However, a too-relaxed position or slouching may be interpreted as a lack of interest.
• Head nods. Occasionally head nodding indicates paying attention and encourages the subordinate to continue.
• Facial expressions. Keep facial expressions natural and relaxed to signal a sincere interest.
• Verbal expressions. Refrain from talking too much and avoid interrupting. Let the subordinate do the talking, while keeping the discussion on the counseling subject.

B-29. Active listening implies listening thoughtfully and deliberately to capture the nuances of the subordinate’s language. Stay alert for common themes. A subordinate’s opening and closing statements as well as recurring references may indicate his priorities. Inconsistencies and gaps may indicate an avoidance of the real issue. Certain inconsistencies may suggest additional questions by the counselor.

B-30. Pay attention to the subordinate’s gestures to understand the complete message. By watching the subordinate’s actions, leaders identify the emotions behind the words. Not all actions are proof of a subordinate’s feelings but they should be considered. Nonverbal indicators of a subordinate’s attitude include—

• Boredom. Drumming on the table, doodling, clicking a ballpoint pen, or resting the head in the palm of the hand.
• Self-confidence. Standing tall, leaning back with hands behind the head, and maintaining steady eye contact.
• Defensiveness. Pushing deeply into a chair, glaring at the leader, and making sarcastic comments as well as crossing or folding arms in front of the chest.
• Frustration. Rubbing eyes, pulling on an ear, taking short breaths, wringing the hands, or frequently changing total body position.
• Interest, friendliness, and openness. Moving toward the leader while sitting.
• Anxiety. Sitting on the edge of the chair with arms uncrossed and hands open.

B-31. Leaders consider each indicator carefully. Although each may reveal something about the subordinate, do not judge too quickly. When unsure look for reinforcing indicators or check with the subordinate to understand the behavior, determine what is underlying it, and allow the subordinate to take responsibility.

RESPONDING

B-32. A leader responds verbally and nonverbally to show understanding of the subordinate. Verbal responses consist of summarizing, interpreting, and clarifying the subordinate’s message. Nonverbal responses include eye contact and occasional gestures such as a head nod.

QUESTIONING

B-33. Although focused questioning is an important skill, counselors should use it with caution. Too many questions can aggravate the power differential between a leader and a subordinate and place the subordinate in a passive mode. The subordinate may also react to excessive questioning as an intrusion of privacy and become defensive. During a leadership development review, ask questions to obtain information or to get the subordinate to think deeper about a particular situation. Questions should evoke more than a yes or no answer. Well-posed questions deepen understanding, encourage further explanation, and help the subordinate perceive the counseling session as a constructive experience.

COUNSELING ERRORS

B-34. Dominating the counseling by talking too much, giving unnecessary or inappropriate advice, not truly listening, and projecting personal likes, dislikes, biases, and prejudices all interfere with effective counseling. Competent leaders avoid rash judgments, stereotyping, losing emotional control, inflexible counseling methods, or improper follow-up.

B-35. To improve leader counseling skills, follow these general guidelines:

• To help resolve the problem or improve performance, determine the subordinate’s role in the situation and what the subordinate has done.
• Draw conclusions based on more factors than the subordinate’s statement.
• Try to understand what the subordinate says and feels; listen to what is said and how it is said
• Display empathy when discussing the problem.
• When asking questions, be sure the information is needed.
• Keep the conversation open-ended and avoid interrupting.
• Give the subordinate your full attention.
• Be receptive to the subordinate’s emotions, without feeling responsible to save the subordinate from hurting.
• Encourage the subordinate to take the initiative and to speak aloud.
• Avoid interrogating.
• Keep personal experiences out of the counseling session, unless you believe your experiences will really help.
• Listen more and talk less.
• Remain objective.
• Avoid confirming a subordinate’s prejudices.
• Help the subordinates help themselves.
• Know what information to keep confidential and what to present to the chain of command, if necessary.